Looking for a missing item....something that lives in my heart

Whenever I tried to sleep, it just felt as if it was the most difficult task in the world. There's something missing in my life but I just have no idea what it is (or perhaps I do not even want to know what it is). The night seemed longer than usual and I could hear every single detail and every single sound that was being made. The sound of my neighbour opening the gate and unlocking the door, the cats meow-ing, the dogs howling, and finally the sound of my own breathing. This total silence was really freaking me out and it was made worse when I couldn't even sleep. Tonnes of images rushed to surround my eyes whenever I tried my best to sleep, causing me to be awake more than ever and there went my marathon of wild thoughts.

Am I doing the right thing now? What is the best for me? Am I sure that it is the best for me? And how sure am I that what I've missed is good or bad for me? These questions were never-ending and they were meant to be answered before I could finally sleep. However, I simply do not have the answers to all these and in the end, I just could not sleep. It's like a cycle that I have to endure through the night. Questions popping out ---> Answers to be filled in ---> Can't sleep without answers ---> Questions re-popped (if there's a word) and it goes on and on.

Truth be told, I'm just good at running and escaping from the facts instead of facing them courageously. This, I've got to admit that it has been within me since I was born 20 years ago and there is certainly no cure for this. I'm just scared. Afraid. Unable to face the harsh reality. Unable to fight the big blow that is soon to be thrown to me. All in all, I'm a coward.

2am. The questions finally came to a halt. And just when I thought I could finally get a great night's sleep without any disturbance, I was wrong. Because that was just the beginning of everything. Next up, I have to face the worst of all, my highly-imaginative and overrated DREAMS which do not make sense at all most of the time. Ironically, the answers to my questions are being answered in my dreams. When it's the answer that I really really anticipate, I rejoiced and danced over it but when it was far from the way I want it to be, I jolted awake. :::(((

I believe my dark under eyes circle can justify as to whether I had a good or bad dream over the last few nights.

I need an antidote. And you know what it is.